Brains Melted and Stuck to the Side

I have officially designated July as The Month of Suck, for the very reason illustrated below.


As you can see, last Saturday was a balmy 90 degrees Fahrenheit at 9:22 am, with the potential for 106 degrees. It fails to mention that the day before was at least 102 and that Sunday made it up to 105.

Awesome.

I can't be bothered to remember how many days over 99 degrees we had for the previous two weeks. No point, really, since the entire month of July has melted into one stinky blob. It's as though that page in the calendar has turned into a horrid combination of hot tar and sidewalk gum, delicately scented with sewer gas and bus vomit.

So no crafting whatsoever last weekend, despite all my plans--work on the beady purse, turn a giant black canvas messenger bag into a much smaller bag, sew something (I forget exactly what), and make some more jewelry.

Ha. Ha ha ha.

I only managed to stick to the sofa with a container of ice cream melting in my lap while reading those god-awful Twilight novels. Remind me to stick to mad scientists, zombies, the thing that ate the grandma, and Martians because I don't think I can take any more whiny emo vampires. I'm not sure who I want to punch first, Edward or Bella. Most likely Edward for all that "not 'til we're married" crapola.

Or I'll just klunk their heads together like Moe.

I would have polished all four of them off in less than a week if they had arrived in order like I'd hoped. At one point I had book 1 and 4 and had to fill in for a week with Jan Brunvand's The Study of American Folklore because, to paraphrase a line from The Big Bang Theory, I prefer Stephenie Meyer disappoint me in the order she had intended.

As an antidote I've started reading Koushun Takami's Battle Royale because now I'm in the mood for some Japanese students killing each other. I blame the wimpy vampires.