Holy Crap, 1983

While I was rummaging around through those old Sears catalogs I found some horribly creepy furniture in a JC Penney Fall and Winter 1983, way tackier than I remembered. Because I know next to nothing about 1983 van culture I had initially assumed that "van furniture" was some kind of clumsy name for a style of lounge seating or even a type of nasty fabric, and that the above photo was a particularly butt-ugly den. Noooooo. That's the interior of some jive turkey's Love Machine. Notice the sofa in the back--it opens into a bed.

Ewwwwwww.

Heavens to Murgatroid, you could even buy solid wood van cabinets and shit. In colonial style. Who the hell had a colonial style van anyhow, George Washington? Look, a bar and a sink! I'm guessing the sink could double as an emergency toilet if your old lady has sucked down too much Boone's Farm.

Shut up. Don't try and tell me that sink doesn't remind you of some sort of institutional toilet.

Crushed velvet curtains with macrame tiebacks. These really defy description. In fact, they pretty much make me want to weep uncontrollably.