Greetings from the Omnigraphic Blogopticon. On view are vile sticky things dragged from the attic, snarky commentary on the world at large, and all-encompassing ennui. All that and a weird rubbery smell. A horrible time will be had by all.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Happy Ethnic Drinking Day

Bleeeehhhh. My internets are still stopped up. I haven't been a whole lot faster than 14.4 bpm for the past couple of weeks and my emails are piling up. When my connection gets slow Netscape gets cranky and won't give me my emails.

Note to my brother: Before you make your usual "ha ha Netscape" comment I will remind you that you use some hillbilly outfit stationed in a disused tobacco barn with equipment most likely cobbled together from an old moonshine still and a 35-year-old pickup truck on blocks. Nyahh.

So I've been able to use Etsy convos and if I want to waste an hour or so, I can upload literary crap like this. I had intended to troubleshoot my stinky internet connection this past weekend by crawling around behind the TV, disconnecting every jerry-rigged hookup and redoing it all but nooooo, I got sidelined by an Interesting Cough.

What's an Interesting Cough, you say? An Interesting Cough spends its first two weeks as a sinus infection that simmers in the background, sometimes causing that burning-lava-in-the-nose feeling oh so familiar to me, sometimes making me want to drill a hole in my cheekbones to let the demons out. I took that lovely sinus infection to Philly and back, then set it aside for a bit. Weekend before last it transmogrified into a three day long sore throat and by Friday I developed the Interesting Cough, a Cough so Interesting my boss sent me home early on Friday because she had grown weary of hearing me go on and on like a barnyard animal in distress.

Apparently Interesting Coughs are harbingers of the flu so last weekend I camped out on the sofa deliriously hoping Grady wouldn't take it into his head to eat me while I was doped up on cough meds, and thus diddly-squat was accomplished. For the past two days this week I've been staggering around at work with one ear stopped up and the other one ringing so loud I'm very nearly deaf. The Interesting Cough becomes less Interesting and more Annoying. But I no longer feel like I've been run over, not feeling good exactly, but not feeling like death warmed over either.

Monday I went to the supermarket for more meds and soup. I got excited (not really) that Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup was on sale so I grabbed a couple cans. Ha. In reality what I wound up with was WTF??? in a can. Those heretics at Campbell's got it into their heads that since people liked Chicken Noodle and Cream of Chicken then why not combine the two? Oh, and get a couple of marketing geniuses to make sure the word "creamy" is in small print so sick people won't notice until they get it home. When a glob of apricot-colored gunk plopped out of the can instead of the usual cheery yellow broth I thought I had gotten ahold of a bad can of soup, not a bad soup idea.

Two days ago when I was really sick I thought the half-assed recipe on the back of the can suggested that you take a bowl of Creamy Chicken Noodle and pour it over a salad rather than having soup and a salad. I don't think I'm well enough to be completely sure that isn't what they meant.

*mutter mumble cough*

Meanwhile, I've just discovered my home is the center of a wonky magnetic vortex. Behold, Severina's Mysterious Standing Broom! Booooo, spooky!

Later this evening, after a couple more shots of Nyquil, I shall fly it to Hogwarts.

Illogical, you say? I pity the fool who's illogical!

I'm going back to my deathbed.


Lady Euphoria Deathwatch said...

Hi Severina,

I am sorry to hear that you have been ill. I am glad you are back on the mend and gracing us with your usual cheery personality.

Bahh Humbug to Campbells for changing the soup on you. May they get warts on their tongues and frogs in their hair.

I am hoping you come to full health in no time at all.

Hugs, Euphoria

Mouse said...

I don't know that its such a good idea to be flying around on a broom while doped up on cold medication.. you could get a FUI ticket which I hear come with a mandatory 7 day prison stay at Azcaban.

Scott said...

Ha-ha, illness.

And I keep telling you that you can probably steal wifi easily where you live, but you won't do it because then you'd have nothing to complain about.

Obsidian Kitten said...

Ah--I was wondering where you've been.
Interesting Cough be damned!

And curses on Campbell's for combining a Very Bad Soup Idea and a Very Bad Salad Idea on one label.

I can't quite ascertain what the salad idea is either--maybe I haven't had enough coffee yet?

Helen said...

Food manufacturers always trick people into trying new shitty products with tiny print. They hope you will give in and eat the stuff, and maybe like it. I think that making chicken noodle soup creamy is probably one of the worst ideas yet.

Obsidian Kitten said...

Has the ocicle eaten you?

I feel that perhaps we should send a search party.

arkmetal said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
BlackCrow said...

I think if we checked under that broom we would find either something the cat hurled up or something you interestingly coughed up!
Hope your feeling better...hope you didn't get desperate enough to eat that goop out of the kids my mum swore that packet Campbell's chicken noodle soup was medicinal. I still get hankerings for it now when I have the flu:( Christ your cat's getting big!!

Lady Euphoria Deathwatch said...

Hi Severina,

Are you there.

Do you need help?

It's been a while.

Hoping all is well.

Hugs, Euphoria

marymac said...

Please come back from where ever you are.