Greetings from the Omnigraphic Blogopticon. On view are vile sticky things dragged from the attic, snarky commentary on the world at large, and all-encompassing ennui. All that and a weird rubbery smell. A horrible time will be had by all.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

The Worms Mock Me

Since I've been neglecting to consume Reliable Worm Cakes, rub my body with Worm Syrup, and cram Celebrated Worm Lozenges up each nostril I appear to have acquired either a bad cold or a half-assed flu. I've just been taking my life in my own hands and the Worms mock me for it.


I've even neglected to cook these Jim-dandy Worm-Infested Sausages. Yeah, that's the stuff right there.

Don't ask me how much coffee I've had today already. Let's just say it's more than a mug and less than a gallon. And some macadamia nuts. Those are good for the flu, right? Coffee and macadamia nuts? I think I read somewhere the fat in the macadamias and the caffeine in the coffee join forces and burn through the germs like General Sherman did Atlanta, but that could be the fever talking.

Since I've spent the day sloppily using up every tissue in the house I'm likely to have to brave the cold tomorrow to walk about two blocks to the 7-11, or if I'm feeling especially adventurous, four blocks to the supermarket. That's four blocks both ways, for a box of fucking tissues. Maybe some more coffee.

The Spotted Thing is no help whatsoever. I begged, I pleaded, but in the end he clawed a chunk out of my hand and said, "Get your own damn tissues." Unfeeling fat bastard.

5 comments:

BlackCrow said...

Lol, what a terrific link! We are planning a Russian Xmas here in January, these may have to go on the menu!! I think even the vegetarians could down a few of these as I'm positive there is no real meat in frankfurters as they have been processed to death!
Coffee and macadamia NUTS should do the trick, always been a favorite amongst the locals but then they do have two heads.
Rug up and if all else fails I'm sure you could use the cat to blow your nose on. He will just lick it off and you can use him again.
Don't forget the cat food while your out at the shops!!

Obsidian Kitten said...

I do believe you could fashion a Leprous Floral Turtle out of snot-soaked tissues. The array of colours can be quite dazzling as your illness produces its various hues of phlegm, and that stuff solidifies quite nicely.

Mouse said...

I'm pretty sure that website & the accompanying photos have officially put me off hotdogs for the rest of my natural life... blergh.

Severina said...

I was tempted to make some of those but I haven't got a pot that big that I haven't already dyed yarn in, though that might not matter if they turn out to be totally inedible. They might be all stripy, too.

staggers away to make yet another Leprous Turtle

Obsidian Kitten said...

The ones they made with black pasta were truly amazing. I think you should try those.