The Worms Mock Me

Since I've been neglecting to consume Reliable Worm Cakes, rub my body with Worm Syrup, and cram Celebrated Worm Lozenges up each nostril I appear to have acquired either a bad cold or a half-assed flu. I've just been taking my life in my own hands and the Worms mock me for it.


I've even neglected to cook these Jim-dandy Worm-Infested Sausages. Yeah, that's the stuff right there.

Don't ask me how much coffee I've had today already. Let's just say it's more than a mug and less than a gallon. And some macadamia nuts. Those are good for the flu, right? Coffee and macadamia nuts? I think I read somewhere the fat in the macadamias and the caffeine in the coffee join forces and burn through the germs like General Sherman did Atlanta, but that could be the fever talking.

Since I've spent the day sloppily using up every tissue in the house I'm likely to have to brave the cold tomorrow to walk about two blocks to the 7-11, or if I'm feeling especially adventurous, four blocks to the supermarket. That's four blocks both ways, for a box of fucking tissues. Maybe some more coffee.

The Spotted Thing is no help whatsoever. I begged, I pleaded, but in the end he clawed a chunk out of my hand and said, "Get your own damn tissues." Unfeeling fat bastard.