Greetings from the Omnigraphic Blogopticon. On view are vile sticky things dragged from the attic, snarky commentary on the world at large, and all-encompassing ennui. All that and a weird rubbery smell. A horrible time will be had by all.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Same As It Ever Was

Holy crap, I'm bored. Work four days, off three. You'd think I'd accomplish something in those three days beyond playing old computer games, reading bad novels, and wiping drool off the cat's chin. I've got a sewing pile that's reaching the ceiling, a mountain of unfinished Etsy shit that no-one will buy even if I finish it, and some long-abandoned website stuff that needs to be rearranged.

Feh, I say.

I've done nothing new beyond cleaning and rearranging the apartment, which is now beginning to turn greyish from its new coating of dust, and posting last month's Etsy rubbish. Nobody is buying a damned thing right now as far as I can tell.

I'd almost welcome a case of Swine Flu, just to make things sorta exciting. Maybe not. I had a two-week bout of some nasty headcold or sinus infection or space-cooties several weeks ago and no, it wasn't all that exciting. It was damned tedious.

So instead of nattering on and on about my wishlist of diseases I thought I'd wander over to my library and pull out a very special selection. Yes, "library", since my brother thinks "studio" isn't a terribly good description for that room. Jackass.

The Book of Wonders, 1917.

Mostly useful for the weird old illustrations that I've used on websites some years back, and the outdated information inside is always good for a laugh. Oddly enough, it doesn't mention that era's favorite hobbyhorses: self-pollution and dancing.

"Why Do We Wake Up In The Morning? We wake up naturally when we have sufficient rest. We wake up naturally, however, only when the destroyed parts of the body have been replaced." What? Did this book fall from some alternative past world where bits of the anatomy are ripped away in some apocalyptic battle or other and steadily replaced as one sleeps with new mechanical parts? Keen! I'll be on the first inter-dimensional steam engine heading that way. I could totally use a new mechanical head. It can't be any worse than the old parts I have made of meat.

Of course there are some supremely retarded answers like the one for "Where Do Living Things Come From?" God made everything and it took a really long time, then man "...was given additional powers so that he might become ruler of all living things..." Like the ability to shoot lightning bolts from his fingers? Maybe he could fly? No, wait, I got it. Man could bash weaker animals to bits with his hammerlike fists. Man smash! Yeah!

*squashes helpless baby animals flat with her fists for a bit*

I do love the cover. Observe the Mighty Space Owl who is angrily irradiating the Earth with the power of his ginormous eyes! Since the book came out in 1917, I postulate that the Mighty Space Owl is punishing the Earth by mutating ordinary influenza viruses into a super bug that wiped out millions. Take that, stupid Earth people!

10 comments:

Mouse said...

Its nowhere near as fun as Swine Flu but my son has a raging case of pink eye that I'm sure we could spare some of...
I haven't sold anything in my Etsy shop for about 3+ months.. so I know the feeling.

severina said...

Raging Pink Eye and Atomic Headcolds won't get you on the news. Last week they broke into My Name Is Earl just to say Virginia had two cases of Swine Flu. Go Virginia!

Perhaps we should claim our Etsy items offer protection from Swine Flu, suppress appetite, and improve sexual prowess. That'll pretty much cover all the bases I think.

Mouse said...

Works for me.. though with my luck they'd just improve the sexual prowess of swine and protect the flu from people with appetites.

I love the new items in your shop - if I didn't have a serious case of "the poor" I would totally buy a choker from you. Love the tattoos and all of your earrings.. sadly my ears are oddly shaped and can't support more than about 4 earrings in each lobe.

Severina said...

Thanks! I spent pretty much the entire decade of the 80s with an ice cube and a safety pin punching holes in my ears so there's like 14 in one and six in the other. I suppose I needed a hobby.

I think we've all got a bad case of "the poor" so those chokers will be lurking around for quite a while...

BlackCrow said...

The book of wonders sounds truelly wondrous. I wonder what it says about how God treats the "poor", probably renders them with Weird Unexplainable Smell Syndrome and they all become troglodytes!
Being a Troglodyte I could handle but maybe not the smell.
Bored too, no work, two peeing cats and a pooing bunny that hates me is my lot in life at the moment.
I've had 2 sales on Etsy in the past 6 months and one was to a mutual friend.
I wore the choker and earrings I bought from you to a funeral a couple of weeks ago, it felt so cool!
Keen to see some of those vintage doll clothes patterns you mentioned on my blog.

Obsidian Kitten said...

I don't even wanna talk about my Etsy shop.

*silent pout*

That respawning body parts thing could be very useful as I hear you get a good pay-out from workman's comp for lost digits and limbs.

Severina said...

Dunno if losing limbs in battle counts with workman's comp, but it's worth a try. Might distract all of us from our Etsy woes.

And BlackCrow, does your bunny perhaps have Inappropriate Crapping Disorder? The cats appear to be doing what cats do, so there's no fancy science word for kitties peeing on stuff.

Obsidian Kitten said...

Oh, btw, thatnks to your post title, that song has been haunting me day in and out.

Severina said...

Ahh, I've infected you with ear worms! *rubs hands together*

Haven't listened to that album in a couple of years--I wore the thing out back in, I dunno, 1980(?). I should go to YouTube and download the video, since I definitely haven't seen that in probably twenty years or more.

Obsidian Kitten said...

You mean I have Aural Byrne Wyrmes now?

Damne you...