Greetings from the Omnigraphic Blogopticon. On view are vile sticky things dragged from the attic, snarky commentary on the world at large, and all-encompassing ennui. All that and a weird rubbery smell. A horrible time will be had by all.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Because My Brother is a Perv

Nekkid Sim girls. No, they won't be making out with each other so don't even ask. Creep.


Here we have Cassandra and her partner in crime Betony, who are goofing around in front of a camera with hand puppets. Don't ask. Eventually there will be a shriek heard across SimCity when some Sim rock star opens his mail, ("Oh good god, noooo!") and it won't be because of Betony's tacky bedroom decor.

I know it's a movie camera but the only other one I have the game will only let me place it outdoors and I really didn't feel like having nekkid Sim girls cavorting outside with hand puppets just for a sleazy screenshot.

In case you were wondering, Betony's party piece involves lit road flares and the strange ability to cross her ankles behind her head. Cassandra tends to mail frightening 27-page poems about stalking, mutilation, and death. Jokingly, of course. She likes hand puppets as well, but ambushing her idols when they least expect it and slobbering all over them is her realm of expertise. That and mailing them boxes of meat. She assumes everybody loves meat. Meat is good.


Here she is attacking Robert Smith with a hand puppet. She's biting the poor man with it, for Jah's sake. You'd think these guys would stop leaving the house or hire bodyguards or call the police or something. Damn.

Cassandra's still squabbling with her mother. Betony seems to get along with her ordinary suburban parents pretty well, which is the main reason she has no interest in Edward. Cassandra is mostly doing him because her parents hate the man but would gladly trade him in for a rock star, even if she has to kidnap one and nail him to her bedroom wall like Johnny the Homicidal Maniac. It would be for their own good, she says. It would keep them safe from bad people, she says.

Oddly, she doesn't feel anything at all like this towards Edward, despite all the snogging and boinking and such. Poor guy. Or maybe that should be lucky guy.


This gentleman is new to SimCity. Meet Dieter, the host of the German TV show Sprockets. Here we see him telling Betony "Your poetry pulls down my pants and taunts me!" and later on, "Now ve dance!" I'm sorry to say I have no Sim monkeys so he can't tell people they can touch his. Well, he can say it all he wants, he just won't have a monkey for anyone to touch.

Crap. Now do I have to find a Sim monkey?

5 comments:

Mouse said...

"Now is zee time on Schprocketz ven vee dance!!" hee hee hee.

Severina said...

"Touch my monkey!!!"

Scott said...

I really wish the photos were bigger. Actually, I don't.

Severina said...

Actual game size. Click on one and it gets slightly bigger, but I guess not big enough for you, perv.

Your story has become tiresome!

Obsidian Kitten said...

Huzzah for sim Sprockets!

You never cease to amaze.