Greetings from the Omnigraphic Blogopticon. On view are vile sticky things dragged from the attic, snarky commentary on the world at large, and all-encompassing ennui. All that and a weird rubbery smell. A horrible time will be had by all.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Old-Timey Sims

Damn, I'm bored. Bored with this whole freakin' era. Cell phones, American Idol, SUVs, and what the kids call "punk rock" can all go right in the goddamned landfill.

Boredboredbored.

So I've dragged out the Sims again. I've got a nice little Victorian-style neighborhood and all the little doodads all over the house are non-electric. No light-up dance floors or computers or Ravers. So there!

Click the pictures for readable versions.

This is Edward. He's one of those guys with more money than sense. He thinks he's some sort of scientist but thus far he hasn't come up with a damned thing remotely scientific. His wife, Elsa and Ilsa, came from a little village in Bavaria. Yes, I know full well she has two heads. Edward may not even notice, or maybe he's kinky like that. Ya never know.

He's also really really fond of his pet rat Basil. I have no idea why they don't have any children yet. Perhaps Basil eats them?

Edward has kind of a little secret. The man just can't keep his trousers buttoned. Take Emmaline, one of his mistresses; together they're the most fertile couple in Sim City and they haven't got two brain cells to rub together. Edward, for all his scientific claims, has no idea that if one inserts Tab A into Slot B vigorously and often, that child V, W, X, Y, and Z will result. He's almost figuring that out in the last frame. Emmaline doesn't seem to care, so long as he's paying the grocery bills for this herd of children.

I think there must be something strange in the water at Emmaline's house.

See, the man just can't stop. Look at him slobbering all over Lady Parkhurst.

Occasionally he likes to get a little discipline from Pippa, who's an escapee from the Sim City Home For the Unfashionably Insane. She specializes in spankings and such like. She also writes her name on walls in poop and sleeps in an open grave.

I haven't been playing with Ebenezer and Abigail very long, just long enough for Abigail's crinolines to catch fire. She now resides in an urn on the hall table. No wonder the man's so damn unhappy and always squabbling with Edward.

I'm in the middle of building a funeral home, a tea shop, a train station (complete with train), and a fancy brothel, all on the same block. No zoning problems here, folks!

Of course there has to be a brothel, since eventually Edward will run out of ladies to hump, and trust me, he can hear the rustle of a crinoline a mile away. He's usually the first one to knock on the door when I build a new house and move any female into it. Someone should suggest to his wife that she have his trouser buttons welded shut.

There's something quite amusing about little computerized guys in frock coats beating the snot out of each other at my bidding. Dance, monkey, dance!

7 comments:

Mouse said...

I have the first Sims for PC and I've never seen any of this stuff or the mad scientists and vampires.. is this all an expansion pack for the second game? Ok.. I'm so going to have to find a used copy of this somewhere because I thought the 'regular' Sims were rather lame.

Che' said...

OMG I love that your alive!!! How are you? I have the first one and have been playing the 2nd one since last year, hence really shitty semester! hahaah...

I MISS YOU WOMAN! Is that you on Ravelry now? What do you think. I tried to phone you but it was someone else, did you get a new number! Write me! FUCK we have a lot to catch up on! So lets grab a bottle and chat soooooon!

Severina said...

Hi Che! Phone number is the same old one, Comcast royally fucked up & gave it to another customer for a while but I got it back just recently. So I'm at the Bat Phone.

And Mouse, this is regular ol' Sims 1 but with all kindsa free stuff I've downloaded here & there all over the net. Antique furniture, pornographic animations and lots of Victorian clothes. I'm too cheap to get a fancy graphics card and more memory for Sims 2--I'd just have to find all that furniture & crap in another version.

Severina said...

And I do have maybe four or five of the Sims 1 expansions that I got when they started being half price.

che said...

YEAHHH! Ill try and call you! So is that you on Ravelry? I did add you! Youve been very missed. Its not that ive been around either but you know that your missed. As for sims 1 do you have makin magic? If not, Ill send you mine let me know ok?

SWAK!

PS Your right there are so many downloads all over the place!

Obsidian Kitten said...

I want me a Basil.

That damn Ennui thing is going around, I've caught it and the Melancholy big time. (No, I swear it's not the clap.)

Uh-oh, gotta go, TMZ is on and it replenishes the Apathy molecules in my brain quite nicely at this time of night.

Mmmm, Apathy. So tasty.

Lady Euphoria Deathwatch said...

Hi Severina,

I've been reading your blog lately and I must say I am a fan. I wish you wrote more often. Just had to say love your Sims 1. I need to get some of the things you have for mine. Since I saw yours mine are not as fun anymore.

I have a fairly new blog of my own. ladyeuphoriadeathwatch.blogspot.com if you'd like to check it out. I would like to but you in my links list if you have no objection. If you like what you see in mine please do the same for me.

Sincerely, Lady Euphoria Deathwatch