Greetings from the Omnigraphic Blogopticon. On view are vile sticky things dragged from the attic, snarky commentary on the world at large, and all-encompassing ennui. All that and a weird rubbery smell. A horrible time will be had by all.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Ice Fail

I'm now officially Tired of Winter. I've been walking past the windows and sneering at the stuff outside since Saturday morning. I'm fully expecting to slip and bust something important tomorrow on the way to the bus, though the most damage will likely be made after sundown when it all starts freezing up again.

I think I could do much, much worse than making faces and obscene gestures out my apartment windows. Let's see just how much I'm really hatin' on some ice today.

I found this a couple of weeks ago and it's been burning away at my guts since then. Dragnet On Ice. Holy crap, they've even got a bad guy in jail over in the right-hand corner. I fully expect Jack Webb to be strapping on his skates and twirling around out there, but I suppose I can't have everything.

Now you might think putting on a show like this involves complex design and costumes, creative writing and fancy sets. I don't think so at all. I believe you can slap the words "On Ice" on pretty much every TV show, movie, or novel and make some damn skating show out of it, but then I've most likely had several pots of coffee by now.

Saving Private Ryan On Ice. Skating military drama at it's finest. Thrill at the big D-Day scene where that guy gets his guts blown out. On ice!

For the science fiction fan, here's District 9 On Ice. You'll just have to wait for the show to start to see that fantastic prawn slum set. Plenty of explosions and gore here too. On ice!

From the mind of Stephen King we present It On Ice. Run little kids, it's Pennywise! On ice!

The Lost Weekend On Ice. This could be either from the book or the movie, take your pick. Whichever one has the worst DTs scene. On ice!

From the banned library shelves we have Venus In Furs On Ice. See inferior men put in their place by aggressive, dominant women. On ice!

Last but not least--Law & Order SVU On Ice, because you can't have enough sex crimes on skates. Crack New York detectives Benson and Stabler show off their mad detectin' skillz to get filthy creeps and pervs off the street. On ice!


Scott said...

Damn Google only lists your blog for "Dragnet on ice." Bastards! What good is the information superhighway if it can't deliver prompt information regarding such an important subject?

Also, my word verification is cychung which looks like a comicbook sound effect.

Eve said...

I can't wait for L&A SVU on ice! To see the M.E. skating around the vic will be a delight.

Severina said...

I'm not surprised you couldn't find "Dragnet on Ice". Try "Ice Capades 1955". Or not. See if I care.

But I could become the world's only internet expert on "Dragnet On Ice". Sorta like you and Mongolian porn.

Dibs on front-row SVU on Ice seats, cuz I hear the autopsy scene is pretty fan-freakin-tastic!