Greetings from the Omnigraphic Blogopticon. On view are vile sticky things dragged from the attic, snarky commentary on the world at large, and all-encompassing ennui. All that and a weird rubbery smell. A horrible time will be had by all.

Saturday, January 2, 2010


After a couple good nights sleep I discovered precisely what the hell is wrong with the accursed 1886 stocking. I had "slept" for five nights on a concrete mattress and a pillow so flaming lumpy I dreamed it was actually a dead goat stuffed into a pillowcase (really, I did), so of course once I got home I immediately decided to knit the toe on this damned stocking just to have the fool thing done with.

Why? Because that's what knitters do, mostly because we've huffed so much yarn fiber our brains overheat a bit and no longer function properly, and partly because we're a little soft in the head to take up knitting in the first place.

See? Corrected Damned Thing. Because the toe was much too short the ankle looked huge, and when I tried it on I suppose the foot stretched enough to sort of fit. Once I had some real sleep and woke up completely I tried it on again I saw what the hell the issue was. I kind of thought it was merely a particularly crappy pattern but instead of knitting the toe the way I thought it was supposed to be I went along with what I blearily assumed the pattern instructions said.

Normally there is a decrease round, then a "knit plain" round in a sock toe.

"For the Toe--All black--Knit plain to the end of the needle, discontinuing the seam stitch; * on the instep needle, knit 4, slip 1, knit 1, pass the slipped stitch over, knit plain to within 6 stitches of the end of the needle, knit 2 together, knit 4; on the foot needle knit 4, slip 1, knit 1, pass the slipped stitch over, knit to within 6 stitches of the end of the second foot needle, knit 2 together, knit 4; knit 1 plain round; repeat from * till reduced to 26 stitches."

Can you find the "knit 1 plain round" sneakily hidden in the instructions? Why the hell wasn't it written as "Row 1 (decrease instructions), Row 2 knit 1 round"? And why the hell didn't I just knit the toe like I usually do? No sleep, that's why.

*shrieks insanely for a bit*

So remember kids, don't knit without proper rest or there'll be hell to pay. Maybe not hell to pay, but you'll post your mis-knitted crap all over the internets and whine about how it's gone all wrong and everyone will be snickering and pointing and stuff. You don't want that.


Helen said...

Awesome! I'm glad you fixed it. I've done worse than misread a pattern, sometimes I can't even figure out what the damn instructions want.

Scott said...

My socks come from the store.

Obsidian Kitten said...

A dead goat stuffed in a pillowcase?


Viviana said...

I've got this damned shawl that I keep losing a stitch on one side. Constantly. Even between the markers where there are no increases or decreases. I hate that kind of crap - notice I'm whinging about it on your site, not mine... I'm blaming the cold meds, as my pillows seem to be goat free at this time. Although I should check underneath - I might be sleeping on a book of poetry, now that I think of it.

Have you been watching videos of buzkashi? I have always thought the headless goats they use in the game actually look a bit pillow-like.

Lady Euphoria Deathwatch said...

Hi Severina,

It doesn't take sleeplessness just not paying attention and I do that all the time.

Good luck next time and I'm glad you got it straightened out this time.

They really look great.

Hugs, Euphoria

MsFortuknit said...

You fucking slay me!