Greetings from the Omnigraphic Blogopticon. On view are vile sticky things dragged from the attic, snarky commentary on the world at large, and all-encompassing ennui. All that and a weird rubbery smell. A horrible time will be had by all.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

They're Coming to Get Me

Just now a scooter went whizzing by my apartment, but because I was shaking out some laundry next to my ear it sounded more like an otherworldly moan. The first thing I though was, "hmmm, a cow."

A cow. I haven't lived anywhere near where cows moan and groan for over twenty years. Why the hell would I automatically think it was a cow??? And an underworld sort of undead cow at that.

Damn.

See, now everyone is going to wish I had stayed un-blogged.

11 comments:

Obsidian Kitten said...

Mayhaps it was a mecha-cow?

WV: alitychy. n. an illness characterized by melancholy, dispepsia, vertigo, nervous twitches, agoraphobia, consumption, and the inappropriate use of alliteration in uncomfortable social situations. "She found it difficult to maintain any gentleman callers as her alitychy often appeared to cause them great personal distress. Alas, this only exacerbated her alitychic symptoms to the point of virtual isolation."

Severina said...

Ahhh, you forgot "an unfortunate tendency towards aural hallucinations of a bovine nature."

When my brother was little he woke up screaming that he'd heard a cow in his room. I'm guessing it was an undead, soul-sucking sort of a cow.

Give him a couple minutes, he'll be over here denying it.

Scott said...

Well, cows can be nasty customers. Naturally I'd be afraid of an errant cow lurking outside my room. Of course we were on the second floor, so there was little chance a cow would scale the walls to get at me, but it's better to be safe. If you hear a cow, then scream.

Crypt Stitch said...

I think a good scream is in order if one found an errant cow in ones abode. I love cows. They are perhaps one of my favourite animals ever (and yes, they taste good too, which is just WRONG). They have always freaked one of my Aunts out (despite living on a farm most of her life, with sheep. And cows) because of their inquisitive nature - they are grand masters at the 'staring game'. But a nefarous, soul sucking cow (perhaps 'with big pointy teeth' a-la the demonic rabbit in Monty Python and the holey grail)...I'd pay to see that. And it would totally have a cape. And minions.

Severina said...

Ah, it was the cape and the minions that so horrified my brother. This sinister demon-cow was perhaps hovering in mid-air just outside his window...

Would a demonic cow-burger be any tastier than an ordinary one? Would I have to sprinkle holy water on it as I crammed it in the meat grinder?

Mmmmm, cow...

Eve said...

Ah, a cow with a cape. You must mean Hellcow, http://www.marvunapp.com/Appendix/hellcw.htm

Severina said...

Dammit, look what I missed by not reading Howard the Duck.

"Moooooooooooooooooo."

Obsidian Kitten said...

I assure you that said cow would be able to scale your childhood staircase (or walls, mayhaps) to arrive bedside on your second floor.

However, it is a well-documented fact that it would not be able to go back down the stairs (and I assume walls as well) to return to the first floor again.

BlackCrow said...

nobody thought that daleks could use stairs either??
And cows do store a lot of methane!

Just a thought

Severina said...

Stair climbing cows! But then, considering it was my brother, he probably hadn't thought out how the thing got in his room in the first place. It probably could have come down from the attic.

Dang, daleks fly these days, instead of merely blowing up the whole building like they used to. I'm all nostalgic for a vintage dalek...

Severina said...

Then there's the idea of an exploding, methane-filled, kamakazi cow.